pages of unsaid words

Why does the world always feel heavier on my shoulders? I spent most of my life whispering, “It’s okay,” even when my heart was breaking quietly behind those words. I thought being a good person meant learning how to understand everyone, forgive everyone, and make space for everyone else’s pain, even when no one made space for mine. So I became the woman who adjusted. The woman who stayed silent. The woman who kept giving pieces of herself away just to keep others comfortable. But somewhere along the way, I grew tired. Tired of pretending I was strong when I was already falling apart inside. Tired of carrying emotions no one ever noticed. Tired of being understanding to people who never even tried to understand me. And now, in the middle of all this exhaustion, I keep asking myself: When will someone choose me gently? When will someone notice the sadness I hide so well? When will it finally be my turn to be understood? Because even the strongest women grow weary of survivin...

I never thought i would feel this kind of loneliness, being left out. Not until I reached college. Back in senior high school, I never felt this way. I felt accepted. Even if i wasn’t that close with my classmates, I still felt like I belonged. I survived those years because of them. They carried me, guided me, and helped me get through everything. But now, things feel different. People can say the right words, but their actions don’t always match. And somehow, that hurts more. One of the reasons I come home so drained from university is because it feels like my energy is constantly being taken from me. 'Yung parang hinihigop nila 'yung energy mo? Gano'n 'yun. Like I give too much of myself just to fit in, just to stay included, until there’s nothing left. I lose motivation. I feel weak. I feel tired in a way that sleep can’t fix. Sometimes, I feel like a lost child, someone who doesn’t even know why she’s there anymore. Yes, I have a circle of friends. I si...

When I was a child, I was terrified of making mistakes. Terrified of being judged for them. So I constantly reminded myself: “Don’t do anything stupid.” Because whenever you mess up, people are quick to judge, as if that one mistake defines who you are. Then I went to college, and slowly I realized that making mistakes isn’t inherently bad. I learned that messing up doesn’t make you a failure. But still… there were moments I cringed at myself. Times I scolded myself silently: “Why did you do that? How could you be so dumb?” And yet, there’s this part of me that whispers: “It’s okay. You’re human. You make mistakes.” So whenever you make a mistake, remember: it’s okay to make mistakes, because we’re all human. We’re all learning. Nobody’s perfect. :)

Most days, I feel like I’m just drifting with the current of life. Not because I want to, but because I don’t know where else to go. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, and even worse, I don’t know what I truly want. Sometimes I wonder, do I actually know what I want, but I’m just too afraid to admit it? Or am I really this lost? It’s confusing. I often feel left out when people start talking about their dreams, their plans, and the things they’re passionate about. They speak about their futures with certainty, like they already know where they’re headed. And then it becomes my turn to answer. That’s when the lies begin. Not because I want to lie, but because silence feels more embarrassing. So I say something, anything, just to fill the space. Just to look like I know what i’m doing. But deep down, I know those answers aren’t real. I just hope that one day, I’ll finally discover what it is that I truly want. Something honest. Something that isn’t just another lie I tell when people ...