The Weight of Staying

I never thought i would feel this kind of loneliness, being left out.

Not until I reached college.

Back in senior high school, I never felt this way. I felt accepted. Even if i wasn’t that close with my classmates, I still felt like I belonged. I survived those years because of them. They carried me, guided me, and helped me get through everything.

But now, things feel different.

People can say the right words, but their actions don’t always match. And somehow, that hurts more.

One of the reasons I come home so drained from university is because it feels like my energy is constantly being taken from me. 'Yung parang hinihigop nila 'yung energy mo? Gano'n 'yun. Like I give too much of myself just to fit in, just to stay included, until there’s nothing left. I lose motivation. I feel weak. I feel tired in a way that sleep can’t fix.

Sometimes, I feel like a lost child, someone who doesn’t even know why she’s there anymore.

Yes, I have a circle of friends. I sit with them, laugh with them, and spend time with them. But at the same time, they’re also one of the reasons why I don’t feel excited to go to school… why I always find myself wanting to go home.

It’s hard to stay in a place where there’s too much negativity, constant problems, gossip, disrespect, and this quiet competition where no one wants to be outdone. Instead of lifting each other up, it feels like everyone is pulling each other down.

And honestly, no one grows in that kind of environment.

I know I’m not the only student who feels this way. But there are days when you question everything, your place, your purpose, the people around you. Days when you feel alone even when you’re surrounded by others.

So now, while it’s still early, I’m choosing to step back. To distance myself. To protect my peace.

Maybe it’s not easy. Maybe it even feels lonely at first. But I believe it’s better than staying somewhere that slowly drains you.

𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨, 𝙬𝙖𝙡𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙞𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙖 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨, 𝙞𝙩’𝙨 𝙜𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙩𝙝.